Church Etiquette for Kids

In the Orthodox Church, we rejoice in the gift of worshiping together as a family. Our services are not only moments of receiving grace through our presence and the reception of the Eucharist, but also serve as opportunities for our children to be shaped by the beauty of our worship, music, and sacred traditions. Young children often absorb these elements intuitively, and their presence among us is a blessing.

That said, we recognize that young children may need occasional breaks during services. Age-appropriate noises (such as a baby’s babbling or a toddler quietly playing with a soft toy) are both natural and welcome. However, when a child is overwhelmed by the environment, experiencing a meltdown, or showing signs of distress (and simple comforts like a pacifier or holding them are not sufficient), we kindly ask parents to step outside for a moment to provide reassurance and calm. We understand this can be challenging, but it is an act of love and respect for the community’s shared worship.

If a child has been diagnosed by a medical doctor with a specific disorder (e.g., Autism Spectrum Disorder) that makes church attendance more challenging, the family should discuss their situation and challenges with the parish rector. We will seek to accommodate the child in a way that maximizes involvement for the whole family while also minimizing disruptions to the rest of the community.

As a reminder, church policy asks parents to actively supervise children under 12 at all times on church premises. For safety, children in nurseries or other closed rooms must be accompanied by a parent (or trusted adult guardian) with no exceptions. These guidelines help ensure the well-being of our youngest members while preserving the sacred atmosphere we hold dear.

As we said earlier, bringing your children to church is a gift, and your efforts to model reverence and decorum during worship are deeply appreciated. If at any point you need support or resources to help navigate these moments, please do not hesitate to reach out to the rector.

Helpful Guidelines

Several years ago the popular Orthodox author, Kh. Frederica Mathewes-Green, penned suggestions as general guidelines according to a child’s age and capabilities. As stated above, every child is different and if you’d like to discuss any of these items, make some time to speak with the rector.

• Stand on the carpet, sit in a chair or sit quietly (perhaps at an adult’s feet) on the carpet. Do not lie on the carpet at any time (except for babies). Sleepy children can be held in the arms of a parent until they fall asleep. When they are asleep, they can be placed on the floor (preferably facing the altar).

• Toes toward the altar. Teach the child to keep his or her toes pointed toward the altar at all times. Always face the altar, never turn your back on it (even when facing the procession during the Great Entrance, turn back counterclockwise rather than turn directly toward the back.) No large muscle motions — a child standing and facing the altar should not be waving arms, swiveling, etc.

• Stay in one place. A child should “stake out” an area and stick to it, and not move around the church. Exception: there is an age during which wiggly babies demand to be put on the floor, and once there take off crawling rapidly. You pick them up and the cycle immediately begins again. This phase doesn’t last too long, so we should be patient with these little explorers. If a baby crawls by you, pick him up, maybe even hold him and help him focus on the service before returning him to his parents.

• Help others out. In general, adults not caring for their own children should help our swamped young parents watch over their kids. In many cases, these parents are outnumbered by their kids! If you feel drawn to a particular child, ask her parents if you can help them mind her during church.

• Noise, noise, noise. Each parent needs to determine at what point their child has become too noisy. Occasional noise is fine, but continual noise can be very distracting. Some parents have found that taking the child out for making noise results in more noise because the child wants a change of scenery, or wants to play with toys. Some children also view this time alone with Mom as a victory. If any of these scenarios become a problem, the child could be taken out by Dad or an adult “helper.”

• Refrain from playing and talking. Children should not play with each other or talk to each other. Adults bending down to explain the service to children is fine, and may help them not be bored. The bookstore has a couple of good child- level guides to the church and the liturgy. Aim to convey to your children that church is a place you want to be because you find love and joy there, and you want them to share in these good things.

• No food in church, though bottles and sippy-cups are OK when necessary for babies and toddlers. At some point children need to begin fasting before communion, like adults do.

• Toys should be kept to an absolute minimum — a necessary favorite teddy bear is one thing, dressing up Barbies is another. If toys are brought into the service, they should be selected for their “quiet” qualities — i.e they don’t make noise when dropped and they don’t encourage the child to supply noises for them. Especially beware of provoking resentment in children whose parents don’t allow them to play in church, or undermining their discipline. “So and so does it, why can’t I?”

• Think of those around you. Remember that behavior that doesn’t seem distracting to you could be distracting to the people behind you — particularly the choir, which has a birds-eye view of everything anyone does.

The key to success in all this is practice at home. Have an evening prayer time at your icon corner where children learn to stand and be quiet and reverent. Explain that your home icon corner is like a “branch” from the main altar at church, and that that altar deserves even more respect. There are relics embedded in the wooden cross under our altar, and it has been consecrated by our Bishop, who told us that an angel stands there constantly in worship. Adults, as well as children, need to treat the church and especially the altar area with great respect.

Children will object to these expectations, but they learn to do many things they don’t want to because parents insist on them: brushing teeth, having a regular bedtime, not eating cookies before dinner. When parents have a firm reverence for the church and insist on these standards, children will meet them.